Rendezvous with ...

Why...

2006-08-27T00:09:00.000-07:00

Why after making a mistake
vow definitely not to repeat it again,
yet letting it happen again and again.
Why lose temper over the same things
even after knowing it wont help,
hurting others and your own self.
Why feel bad at all from within
and expect beyond the range,
already sure,nothing would ever change.
Why put a false smile
pretend to keep something off the mind,
still,hiding the pain deep inside.

Why make them cry who do care for us
cry for them who never care for us,
and care for them who will never cry for us.

Recapitulating dreams and reality..

2006-08-19T02:14:00.000-07:00

Nowhere is the lesson,that life is beautiful and that whatever happens always happens for good, more vividly illustrated than by the sequence of events that have been happening in my life in the last three months..

Ever since I joined Goldman Sachs for summer internship,it had somehow sunk deep into me that I would not enjoy the work there.. Ofcourse its the world's no.1 investment banking firm.. people just yearn for GS..but then I craved for 'M' and not 'G' S :)... Not that I didn't enjoy the two months stay...Infact it is one of the most memorable summers in my life till now.. afterall it was my first exposure into the big glamorous corporate world!I have loved each and every moment of my stay in Bangalore.. infact as the days were passing by and the internship was coming to end, I actually didnt want to come back.. though deep in my thoughts I always used to say right from day one 'I hope I dont have to come back and join GS for a job'.. And as it turned out to be, GS actually made it sure I had this wish of mine fulfilled by not giving me a PPO:(... And believe it or not,it did make me sad .. for this was something very unexpected... the first shock.. that too just before the placements!

Somehow assured myself that I didnt need it and I wouldnt hv taken it had I got it, and so I didnt get it.. as simple as that! Geared up for the next round,the significant one, the campus placements ..Come August 3rd and we had SETlabs, Infosys.. Who is interested in research but then beggars cant be choosers.. anyways tumbled up here again in the interview,as they took just one!

August 5th and August 8th were like Hiroshima and Nagasaki day for me.. IBM, India Software Labs came on 5th and the news being that IBM was a mass recruiter, I thought I had a decent chance.. only to be stunned again to see the results of the written test..I was nowhere there in that long list of 191!!Go hell with the dream job..huh!I couldnt even make it to a normal job.. the second shock.. and unfortunately, this time neither I had nothing to convince myself nor my friends because everybody knew something had been wrong somewhere.. I had lost all hopes, but then thanks to Pankaj who went and persuaded them for rechecking,I was called for the ISL interview... I had already become famous with the recruting team for being the one whose paper had been rechecked.. I was called in for the first round.. the interviewer seemed to be challenging me every moment to prove how I could claim that I deserved to be considered.. Luckily the better part of my day had already begun and so he appeared to be impressed with my performance and readily referred me to the senior manager for the second round.. And this guy was the one who had done approved of the rechecking process and so tackling him wasnt very difficult.. Finally the ordeal was over..but nothing was clear until the results were declared that I had been selected.. and.. and.. and..the best part of the day was yet to come.. the manager called me when I was on another call and said that they were happy that the mistake had been brought to their consideration and that it would be bad if I wouldnt join ISL next year.. Tonnes of thanks to him and few more tonnes to my brother, Pankaj.. had he not been there,the better part of the day would have never come and I would be sulking somewhere...Back to hostel,it was time for clebrations and wishes from friends and kicks and bumps too!! Oh yes!I was employed now:)

August 6th...the DEShaw day..I was earlier in a confusion whether to go for it or not but by now I had decided that I would not be going for anything which I was sure of that I wouldnt enjoy and be proud of..even if it would be giving me a whopping figure of 9.04...Who cares when you have a decent job..So I went for the written exam thinking that clearing it will boost my confidence and that I will finally screw up the interview but then it happened again...DEShaw outsmarted me just like GS did:D..I didn't get through the written itself:))))))))))

August 8th..the do or die day..the CODING day..and the day I studied last:)).. two rounds of written cleared and the biggest delight being that even Megha had cleared them.. the one who had gone just to accompany me :))... it was me always encouraging her that even if she wasnt frm cse,she could still crack it.. but..haha.. just like I wanted MS,she wanted MG (Mentor Graphics).. and so she had to study digital even an hour before the written!

August 9th..Who knew this day was going to be even bigger... the MORE ALGOS MORE CODING day...finally after three rounds of interviews..all coding and no OS thankfully:).. six of us got the offer,including Megha and myself.. something so astounding that took us more than a day to realise and believe..

Before a year back I couldnt have even dared to dream of being in MS.. but then it came here last year for the campus placements and that time the results were simply stupendous..making MS a dream for me and all my batchmates...From then on, MS appeared as if I could have it only in my dreams..not in reality.. but finally after lots of confusion,ambiguity and apprehension,I did get what I have wanted and desired most in my life,after JEE..a job in MIcrosoft Corporation(India,for the time being:D)..

On Perfection..

2006-06-22T06:43:00.000-07:00

The mind of a perfectionist is a madhouse, with every task finished incomplete in suit of perfection, every thought left inconclusive in quest for conclusion. All for the fear that someone will 'spot' an error.

I know I am far from perfect, however I too struggle with the problem of perfection. No wonder, I love to be called a perfectionist. A cruel irony for any one! However I also know that all humans are far from perfect. Therefore, for any person, perfection is a stuggle in vain for something that is seemingly unattainable.
Or is it?

If humans are far from perfect,that means they are at least on way, maybe the perfection I seek is attainable, at least conceptually.The imperfections of the tasks I do, and the words I write may just as well be overlooked by the many imperfections of the surveyor.

And therefore, perfection, as beauty, truly does lie in the eyes of the beholder...

A twist on the famous line, "to err is human" allows me to continue writing, accept all criticism with due respect, and still never be perfect.

Vista..beta version

2006-06-14T06:41:00.000-07:00

Microsoft finally releases the beta version of its much awaited operating system, the answer to google, sun and every other software company in the world ,Windows Vista.

Windows Vista Beta 2 is now available for you to install, test, and enjoy.You can go to their website and download, for free, the beta version. Windows Vista, along with code, will be available for a few months until Microsoft finalises the version and releases the final version of Vista probably sometime in 2007. Sneak peeks so far have unveiled that Windows has, in characteristic style, lifted the Mac OSX interface and other features from its minority counterparts. Engineered to be the most secured version of windows yet,With Windows Vista, your system is ready when you are. Many such features are supposed to be included in this operating system. Do check it out, and have fun. Sections of the internet, including this blog, will groan with disappointment because another much-awaited Windows Vista feature is biting the dust. The PC-to-PC sync, which would enable users to synchronise data between different PCs using Windows Vista. The official reason is that the feature was not stable enough, and hence had to be pulled out at the last moment.A Breakthrough computing experience, you can see what your files contain without opening them.Along with that you can seamlessly manage Windows Vista and applications by saying what you see on your desktop.

If you are in India though, you might want to think twice before you download, because the file is 3.5 GB:)

So here's the deal. You get windows vista, absolutely free of cost, in beta version. Its Microsoft, there's gotta be a catch, right?

Right.There's no un-install feature.Now you will say OSs never had this feature..haha..then let me not forget to mention the bells and whistles required to run an OS like Vista- Graphics card,min memory of 512MB and their likes.

Milestone 1..

2006-06-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

I'm a bad blogger...couldn't even wish my blog on june 3rd, when it celebrated it's first birthday! Well, I do the honours right now...

"Dear blog, a very happy belated birthday...thanks for being with me through my joys and sorrows and lending me a patient ear when I had almost deserted you all this while... thanks for introducing me to some lovely people out here who have all along boosted my morale and spirits, whenever I was down, who have amused me, made me laugh, moved me and taught me, through their comments here and posts on their blogs ...I wish to spend a lifetime with you and confide in you my innermost thoughts and desires, and know that you would fondly nestle them deep in your heart..."

Those were a few lines I came up with at the spur of the moment, while writing this post. Blogging was introduced to me by Anki...since then I visited many blogs and read pages of many lives. They all seemed similar, yet different in some aspects. And the one quality that appealed to me most about blogs was beautiful expression. I was amazed and aghast at the quality of language I came across. I realised this was the perfect place for me to romance the language, at the same time put on record, things that I otherwise couldn't, in the real world.

I do get trapped in mundane activities sometimes, that leads me to go silent for a while...but this is something I surely wanna work on and find time to write atleast a line or two, regularly. I really appreciate Anki in this regard...she posts with amazing regularity... Cheers to you, pal!Do you still remember how we had begun this stuff in summer of 2005 in IITkgp:)

Decision or Destiny?

2006-03-06T01:11:00.000-08:00

Is there really a thing such as fate or destiny? Conversely, is there anything called choice or decision? What I have seen is that when people achieve what they want, they say they did so because they chose to, because they made the thing happen...because they deserved it. When something they hanker for equally or perhaps more, does not come through, oh well, bring out the favourite whipping boy....Fate! It was not meant to be. Kind of takes me back to school and our physics class on the theory of light.

When you need to explain phenomenon X, you say that light has a "wave" nature.....but if you want to explain phenomenon Y, you say that light consists of photons and is not wave in nature!

The point being that we believe in whatever we find convenient and whatever suits our needs at that moment. So we believe in God when we want something or need someone to lean on or someone to blame for the varied injustices meted out to us in life. Ultimately though, do any of these two schools of thought hold any merit? Do we choose anything in life? Is there anything called choice? And is there something called Fate? We reject one of the two in almost every scenario we face in life. So, if certain scenarios disprove both theories, isn't it safe to assume that both are false? If they are, what is the truth?

We spend our lives hankering after things we never achieve...true happiness and peace. And these are the very concepts that ensure we never achieve them. Or maybe, it is our approach to them that ensures this constant dissatisfaction. More on that later..... Adios!

Inane thoughts...

2006-02-07T02:54:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you see things in a manner so different to someone else. You think you see things the way they are, you think you know exactly where the other person is screwing up and most of all, you think you know what should be done to set it right. Ask someone else and it's highly likely you'd be told your views are right and should be explained and dinned into the other person's head......

Pause for a thought though and it strikes me that no one is senseless really. For all the seemingly inane things you hear, there's always some kind of logic in the decisions that people make, there's always something behind their words, or they wouldn't behave in the manner that they do. After all, no one wants to be senseless. Even a "mad person" has his own logic; we may call it perverted or crazy, but to whatever brain he possesses, his actions are perfectly logical!

Sometimes I see things and wonder just what logic the other person is working on. Sometimes I wonder if I should stop the other person and try to explain what I think......but then I wonder.. We judge things from our own limited perspectives and viewpoints. The person facing the situation sees all that we do and more. This person makes decisions based on what and how the facts appear to be......so, why question the wisdom behind the judgment?

Lazy Bloggers

2006-02-06T12:13:00.001-08:00

hey
Winter is over and I am finally back... and all this time while I was hibernating,I gathered some facts...it goes like

Top 10 Symptoms Of A Lazy Blogger

10) When you visit your blog daily if only to update the shout box.

9) When lack of access to net is your excuse for a "creative post".

8) When you have more number of "drafts" in your blog account than actual blog posts....

7) You invariably wait for that one big post which would catapult you to fame of blogdom.

6) When you are more interested in changing the template of your blog than update the contents...well I changed the template just today

5) When you are too lazy to even change the template.....

4) When in your list of "blogs to vist" your blog is the last....

3) When in your list of "blogs to vist" your blog is not even there...haha

2) When the total number of words written in other's "comments" is more than the word count of your blog.

1) When you have been intending to write the blog on Lazy Bloggers for a long time but just was too lazy....:P

Time for RETROSPECTION and RESOLUTIONS

2006-01-01T03:25:00.000-08:00

The date today:January 1,2006!

Happy New Year!So, another year ended yesterday.Time flies,how cliche it is.

2005 is over...and now is the time to ponder and realise what all it has given us and taught.It amazes me how much I spent this year day by day and how every second never failed to pass by no matter what. All this 1 year of laughter, fun,excitement, tears, screams, worries, fear, success, achievement, failure and obviously compromises I have done to most things-I guess I did live up to it,to the very last day of 2005.I have met people who have made a difference in my life like no other, and fortunately I need not have any regrets.Every presence has made me the person I am today and there's nothing more I could ever ask for from those 365 days of varied conscience I have lived up to.Lets see what is more to change next!

And as of now, I am certainly not going to make a list of resolutions-to-be-broken in the new year.It’s quite funny, you know. I am quite sure that at this point of the year, a number of blogs will carry those lists. Why humiliate yourself in public? It’s bad enough to break a resolution that just you were aware you had made. Listing it out means that the entire world knows when you break one…and then they laugh in their sadistic delight that they’re not alone...and I am not the kind who would give this kind of pleasure.By the way, don’t let this, in any way, stop or deter you. I love having that laugh too :D. So please do make those lists and let me know when you are done.

Seven Things

2005-11-14T12:48:00.000-08:00

So I am also tagged..thanx(or no thanx!) to Anki

The list goes like...

Seven things you want to do before you die:

1.Own a ferrari.
2.Travel as much as I can, infact go on a world tour.
3.Para gliding.
4.Shop as much as I can, neither thinking of the use of the things or the money.
5.Sleep for 24 hours at a stretch.
6.Just before I die, give my comp to someone who will love it as much as I do.
7.Meet someone who would die for me and whom I would die for( ;) )

Seven things I can do:

1.Sit on my comp for hours altogether.
2.Console myself that there is still hope and time left when there is hardly any
of them.
3.Get distracted at the slightest of disturbances while I am studying.
4.Sleep while watching movies,the movie need not always be bad for me to doze.
5.Listen patiently to my friends for hours.
6.Waste time without even thinking once.
7.Listen to the same song for hours once I like it.

Seven things you say most:

1.Well...
2.arre yaar
3.irritate mat maro
4.aisa hai
5.am I too tall?
6.utha ke fek denge(:P)
7.wo (my fav:D)

Seven things you can't do:

1.Not get irritated at the silliest of things.
2.Complete 'the fountainhead' or for that instance any other novel.
3.Study without any interruption for even half an hour.
4.Show it to my friends that I am angry or annoyed for some reason unless I explicitly declare that.
5.Convince my mom that I am grown up.
...why should I let you know all my weaknesses?:P

Seven things that attract you to opposite sex:

1.Good height(nothing less than 5' 7" :D)
2.Intelligence.
3.Respect for women.
4.A bit of seriousness.
5.Enthusiasm and optimism
6.Style which should be something unique.
...itna kafi hai:)

Seven celebrity crushes:

1.SRK
2.Keanu Reaves
3.Jimmy Shergill
..cant think of more!

And now the most awaited

Seven people you want to tag:

1.Rahul Shah
2.Hershit
...the rest I wanted to tag have already been done by Anki.Anybody else wants to be included??

So you think you are a genius

2005-11-04T12:25:00.000-08:00

Hey
I found this quite interesting.Try it rightnow and find out if you are the genius they are looking for :)

***EYE TEST***

Test your eyes

Count every " F " in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(SEE BELOW)

HOW MANY ?

.................. 3?

WRONG, THERE ARE 6
-- no joke..
READ IT AGAIN !

The reasoning behind is further down.

The brain cannot process "OF".

Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!

Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius. Three is normal, four is quite rare.

So What are you ?let me know and sorry there were no prizes for the genius or the non genious :D

Shoutbox

2005-11-03T07:14:00.000-08:00

Hey
the next time you arrive and you dont find a new post , you will still have something to read.

What?

Arre check out the messages in the shoutbox and do leave one for me too :)

50!

2005-10-31T01:25:00.000-08:00

50 visitors in three days!!!
GOOD GOOD GOOD
Readers keep it up :)and meanwhile dont forget to enjoy!
Have a prosperous and a Happy Diwali.

signing out
Shubhra

Aur kya

2005-10-28T09:21:00.000-07:00

Hey

Were you thinking that I had abandoned my blog? No..certainly not.Its just that the last few weeks have not spared me enough time to write something.When I had changed my template last time to that cute red one, I had not thought that I will again be looking for something new so soon. But with all my friends doing that(I wonder how that bug hit them!) and also plenty of time today at my disposal to kill, I couldnt think of anything more innovative and so joined i the rally. So do you like it?? Tell me honestly and hurry up before I consider replacing this too :D

Where was I all these days? hmm...Was at home for the semester break for good two weeks in the beginning of this month.I desperately needed this break since god knows when and this was all the more important because of the tour that has been planned for the vacations after the endsems. Hopefully that will be very exciting and tiring as well.Eagerly waiting for it!

The week which is about to end has been hectic,infact it was one of the three weeks when I am the busiest in any semester.One week had been already done with long back and the last one isnt too far-the end sem week.I wish it just lasts for a second so that the pain, the fear and the anxiety is minimised to zero.Afterall who would mind being exempted from having to appear in the end sems? Ofcourse, I dont mind dreaming all good things which would make life enjoyable and the world a better place to live in...call me a perfect perfectionist!!!

What did you say?

'Aur kya chal raha hai'

....arre yaar I hate this line.You must have also been tired of answering this question again and again.It happened with me today also and no doubt it must have become a part of your daily schedule too. I was talking to a friend from school after 2 years.All this while we had been in contact and were aware of what was happening at each others end but hadnt heard each other's voice. So she calls up and not to much surprise, the first thing she starts off with is

'aur kya chal raha hai'

...chalo you are excused for this being the first time and because I can't be rude to you since we are talking after so long.And what an irony, we dont have anything to talk.

I pretended not being irritated and said

'hmm..everything is fine...masti ho rahi hai...atleast tests ke baad to aisa hi hona chahiye'

the other side:

"hmm..cool..aur batao"

arre yaar comeon...What should I say? Kya bataoon? Batane ke liye kuch hona bhi chahiye...and if there is nothing new should I create something instantaneously and narrate it to you to make you happy...Sorry I am not so spontaneous.So I say

'fan chal raha hai,comp pe gaane chal rahe hain '

I am answered

'PJ'

...but does it bother me?No,atleast this PJ was better than your age old question 'aur batao' .A strange feeling of victory engulfs me but before I am so overwhelmed with my pleasure that I again give an opportunity to my dear friend , I begin

'going home for diwali?"

'yups'

arre yaar poore time chatting mode mein hi rehte ho kya.Didnt they teach you to say yes in school or is it that you have forgotten your basics in the cyber age? Damn this net!!Anyways ,we talk for a couple of more minutes trying to think of something interesting but all in vain.

And since you are the one who has led my mind to such a state that I cant think of conitnuing with something meaningful I grab the chance and say

'aur batao..kya chal raha hai'

Dont blame me for this!

And I am really surprised to believe that her tolerance level can be so respectably good .Had I been in her place I would have simply yelled.She just giggles and says

'nothing...okk then talk to you later..bbye'

'bbye'

'now the next time you call atleast think of something to talk and I will make it sure I do it the same from my side also.'(I murmur to myself)

So friends, for all of you and for me
LESSON LEARNT: Think of something to talk before calling or you might be just stuck and run out of topics!

by the way I forgot to ask you readers

Aur kya chal raha hai??

:P

The turning point

2005-09-16T21:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes things in your life become a little bit overwhelming.At times you get much more than you had asked for or deserved and at times you feel you have lost all you had, even your desires.And then there are times when you seem to be in a sea of emotions where you find yourself engulfed and lost. And here is the catch-

Since its a sea ,there is a possibility that you may get drowned, but if you have been sensible and fortunate enough to cling onto a lifeboat you will emerge above all storms.

Big realisations do occur at this time giving you your true sense of purpose in life and accomplishments. You can't control what happens to you, but you can always control your response to what happens to you.Giving up a little control and keeping your expectations flexible can bring unexpectedly fabulous results. The way you respond, react and move forward after a confrontation will determine your quotient for success, happiness and overall contentment in this lifetime.And retrospection during this defiance,no matter how thoughtful or how thoughtless it may be, has great deals to offer.It could just let your life move on smoothly on the path you had taken or could call for a complete changeover and drag you across the most unexpected route and reaching to a big turning point in life...

Ah!thats what life is... and you have no right to question it.

Birthday time

2005-09-05T22:03:00.000-07:00

Hi Shubhra
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
I know your dil goes mmm ..midway between tests :D
good!enjoy as much as you can
for tests may come and tests may go...but dont forget to remember all your near and dear ones...now incase you have forgotten,let me thank all of them here itself for their wishes and blessings..thanx to all!!

bye

Lucky me!!!

2005-08-29T05:39:00.000-07:00

Hey,things are doing pretty good(touchwood) ....I am feeling lucky! Yups I am talking about the last week.Well it all began with a confusion as always but finally ended well.Monday was the first and the last day to fill the forms for summer internship at Goldman Sachs, world's leading investment banking firm,for the technical wing...called immediately for a turmoil in my mind ...Sitting on the fence is not my favourite pastime but that is what I am left with when I am supposed to make any important decision.So after consulting everyone whom I could,I decided to leave it to chance and finally filled up the form at the last moment, still not sure whether I was actually interested in it.

Somehow the week went,had a lot many things to do but I dont remember them now...So finally came the time to decide.It was thursday and we were supposed to have a presentation and possibly an interview on the next day.So I was suppposed to brushup my knowledge in cpp ...Alas!only if I could...ooooooo the power went out and I don't remember when I fell asleep...Oh no!When I got up it was 7 in the morning,very very late to prepare anything.So quickly geared up my lost mind and strength to move on and finally decide, whether I would be trying in earnest or not...the presentation was impressive,made me dream big of going to Bangalore and cleared all my doubts and worries.Ah! that really left me relieved(for those of you who are puzzled,basically I am an insane person,highly confused most of the times) In the evening, I was shortlisted for the GD,another terror in a name.It was really tough making up my mind that I had to speak in any case,because remaining silent and dumb would really kill me dead on the spot.So decided to take the plunge and speak all I could,and to my surprise I did speak some sense...well it was a healthy discussion,thanks to all the other members! and then I was selected for interview with 5 more...This made me pretty confident but I was still a bit nervous and apprehensive...but friends around me made it quite encouraging and supported very well...a word of thanks is due to each one of them(so people, be happy with the thanks and forget the treat :D)...finally I faced my first professional interview in life...a long one but an experience worth remembering...Everything went perfect...starting from the first question
'are you nervous' and the answers thereafter
'a litle bit,sir '
'why only little,afterall we are going to take a tough interview,haven't u heard that'
'sir, I will try my best...what else'.

I was gradually tasting confidence and excitement in the interview process and finally....hmm... success!! yahoo,it was nothing big...just a training but it gave me a contentment,the satisfaction of clearing my first professional interview...a feeling that I made it.As my fortune said it on saturday
The day is full of potential, but it's hard to tell which way it will go until it's almost over. Your quick wit serves you well when it comes to getting things organized.
And so it all fell into place,right from the start till the end when megha and I were selected, another source of joy to me...this years summer we wished we were together..and hopefully if all goes well as it has been till now ,we will be...atlast I am obliged to all my dear friends who stood beside me,who relieved me of my worries and showed me the way to tackle it in a cool way and with presence of mind...At least I improved,and I have God to thank for that....and for everything else too!

And again returning to my horoscopes(this episode has further strengthened my belief in them)...for today it is
But you've got a lot going on right now, and you'll have more success if you focus on that.
the sessionals are knocking at the door,so i guess its better I return to work soon!

Thanking God...

2005-08-20T15:15:00.000-07:00

Again...the return has been sooner than expected but this post deserves it..I wonder how I could forget writing about this in my earlier post,the one I made just minutes ago...something I will regret if I dont pour it out now.

Dear GOD
Thanks a lot for helping me find my cell within time when I had almost lost it.Hadnt you made it click my mind to look for the cell in that poly bag at the spur of the moment when it had actually slipped down through a hole and was lying on the road,I would have been writing a blog in memory of my cell...a mere delay of seconds and I would have been crying on the road... YOU are gr8 ...and this incident makes me believe again and again in your existence and your powers and in the saying

jaako raakhe saaiyan maar sake na koi

jaako:my cell

a correction 21/8/05 11:31 am:
thanx priya for finally helping me pick that up...I really need to see a doctor...I am forgetting a lot,but I think you will understand.

Why red?

2005-08-20T14:51:00.000-07:00

Farewell until silence goes away, until the clouds move.......By the way, I am hanging in there, I haven't drowned yet....For the time being i will answer just one question...Why this sudden change in the blog template?...hmm...two reasons and both of them are very simple ...one,I badly needed a change...nothing is as convincing as a change...Dynamism always clicks!I wonder what I will switch to next if I am bored by this also..but this is kind of improbable...because I love red...yes ,u guessed it right...this special affinity for red is the second reason for choosing this template...No ,not at all...kuch bhi nahi hua hai...red implies many things to me..Is it fun, satisfaction, anxiety, excitement or confidence? Oops I dont know...But yeah! it gives me a strange pleasure, nature of which is still unknown ..so I can't explain it to you and I hope it remains unknown because the day it reveals itself it will no longer give the same feeling!! As regards the template,I think I should have changed it long back ...seems, somehow the "red" factor remained hidden... but how long could it be?

And now returning to silence to explore the unexplored...and be assured,something relishing is gonna come soon!

To whom it may concern

2005-08-05T13:02:00.000-07:00

Well this is for all my dear FRIENDS,with whom I have shared joys and sorrows of my life,who have accepted me the way I am and who have made growing up twice as much as fun...I dont need to mention their names...do I? If you are a friend of mine, you will surely be able to relate yourself here, and not only for this friendship week but for times to come bcoz friendship blooms in every season...lets see if you can

Of life's infinite joys and surprises
the nicest one so far
Is the joy of knowing someone-
A friend as special as you are
Little joys that came our way
Gave us reasons and smiles to share
Friendly rifts and tifts we had
and then we forgave and forgot
Joining hands we walked the lane
sharing common hopes and dreams
Seems like you were always there
whenever I needed you,
always tried to make me smile
On those days I was feeling blue
These moments I shall always cherish
all happiness, comfort thou gaveth me
My boundless love that speaks to thee
Sure,the greatest blessing there ever can be
is the divine blessing of your friendship
and the contentment it brings to me.

Thanks for being my friend!

Finally...(2)

2005-07-25T09:32:00.000-07:00

Guess what!!!
I am currently listening to the song JUST CHILL CHILL ..JUST CHILL and have just finished reading the comments on my earlier post,with which I really had a tough time, and fortunately I am smiling now...I am quite confident of my decision and thankfully my mind and heart are not outrageous against that...whatever, shouldnt bother so much...wow! an inspirational song for the moment...atleast the chorus...I am not concerned about rest of the verses...goes exactly in accordance with one of the comments...

ENJOY as MUCH as you can

So for me n also for those of you who are sailing in the same boat

Life's a mystery a puzzle to work out each day
Getting close to its answer each step of the way

Let life reveal the surprises that have been so meticulously packed for you...Meanwhile just relax n enjoy!

Finally...

2005-07-24T12:42:00.000-07:00

Well somehow,it has been almost a month since the last post but I didnt get anything to write upon...probably because I am not happy.Yeah! I am back to insti...now in 3rd year...am supposed to study a lot henceforth, all interesting subjects...n lets hope I do...but this semester somehow doesnt make me feel good...just because the time has finally arrived to make some important decisions...those that will streamline the flow of my life...to let my mind fight against my heart...although I hardly understand what wants what...at the end I still dont know which one ruled , its just that I have chosen to end the fight with a treaty...and no further disputes with that(r u sure, Shubhra? yups!)...also now there will be less hours of cracking jokes, making fun...do I realise this or do I not? And in case I have realised, what changes will b there in me...Ofcourse I need to change...be more rational and firm, less complaining and captious...for now begins the race against time!

Rain at the right time

2005-06-28T05:02:00.000-07:00

Yipeee!!! The monsoon rains are here when I am back home! and in full glory. It has been raining since morning and still no signs of abatement:) and best part is that it brings with it a pleasant puff,one you would love. Though I don't go out in the rain, you see it looks so juvenile.Rightnow its time to enjoy mom darling shower her affection and care with her sweet delicacies, though it also includes the 'torturous milk',take naps after naps remotely staring at that idiot box n watch my sis having to study.Wow!that reminds me of the day when she used to play and I used to whimper with fiitjee's rsm and its likes.And she gives me those nasty looks.

And yes,when I get time from everything to sitback to count the number of days left to return to hostel,I just try and help myself in dismantling my thoughts.Abhi se kya darna!

On a totally different note - my stomach has been trying real hard for sometime now to attract my attention by making these really weird sounds, which makes me think I am hungry, you see at home you feel all the more.So guys,its time for evening snacks. But stay tuned, theres more to come. Signing off for now.

Miles to go...

2005-06-24T06:35:00.000-07:00

Aankho mein sapne liye
ghar se hum chal to diye
jaane ye raahein ab le jayengi kahan
mitti ki khishboo aaye, palkon pe aasoon laye
palkon pe reh jayega yaadon ka jahan
manzil nayi hai anjaana hai carvaan
chalna akele hai yahan.....
tanha dil...tanha safar.....

good song!excellent words...matches with the present situation....Shaan , u r gr8!So...time to pack my bags...begin a new journey to reach the next unknown destination...new places,new faces...leaving behind friends in hope of meeting them again at somepoint in life...believing in the fact that 'the world is small'...but is it?

kitni baar hi paas hote hue bhi door hote hain aur door hote hue bhi paas...aakhir kyun? ...then may be this long journey of life gives you a surprise...fir kabhi ho sakta hai mile to yeh keh sakein '...dekh lo!Mit gayi dooriyaan.Main yahan hoon yahan hoon yahan hoon yahan...'

I admire people who are true to themselves,who dont let their conscience live in an illusion that they are happy when they are not...though I am not one of those...and I like to think that I am happy and so I try to believe that friends will be in touch even if I know it is not possible...ye bhi nahi ki raaste juda ho gaye to bahut fark padega...life will go on...nothing will stop...bas fir kabhi agar waqt us mod pe le aayega jahan peeche mud ke dekhne pe majboor ho jayenge to yaad aayega ki kuch log mile the...jinse ek rishta banaya tha...'woh rishta'...aur fir un anjani rahon pe hum na chal sakenge jispe ek baar chale the...aur woh log mile the!...the entire idea of turning back would seem so ludicrous because then I wud know all that was futile...in vain!

As I sit back on my last day @iitkgp,having successfully managed to finish the work I was assigned,and not having any more work to do now... to ponder wat this place gave me,I have some mixed feelings towards this thought which has been leaving my mind restless for quite sometime now...Some how even before ,this question used to hover my mind but I have always been running away from it because I dont want to go actually into the deep intricacies of the incidents which make up most of my life...that is in good times, I probably dont have time to think and find out the reasons or conclusions...but in the difficult situations somewhere or the other I accept it must have been my fault that I got hooked up in the situations I wouldnt have wanted to...I like life to go on as it wud...not that I am lazy to think...just that I feel the normalcy must not stop,the brook must flow as the forests would soon end...and the sun would shine...and new streams would mingle.So again this line helps me move on leaving some people behind,who might be sad when I leave, but will gradually forget and nothing different will happen with me either...at the most I will capture them in my heart and retrieve some day as a thought.

Its raining outside...drizzling...at a constant rate...not stopping...continuing...god knows since when...no,I m not crying,for sure,coz I always wanted to leave this place and tomorrow is the day...good that it arrived for the clouds must move on!

Summer of 05

2005-06-19T22:34:00.000-07:00

Well, I wont mind being blamed for having written this blog in a slightly incomprehensible manner coz I know only a few will be getting this hunk.This is actually my mind's span of random thoughts when my friends and I were capturing few memorable places in the insti campus @IITkgp,in my camera, and so the whole sequence may seem very arbit to you.

So it all began with that terrible insect bite ,on the very first night of our stay in this place, which rendered my eyes swollen.....n then the fight for a room we wished so that three of us,anki,priya n me, cud b in the same block.....n yeah we got it finally...then the fight with airtel n the prank played on the manager to get the letter...the irresistible quest for gmail -->orkut---->messenger------>songs and eventually all getting fulfilled also...and the month long research for finding the best place to eat......the committee(6 of us)'s first report put up after just one week of analysing many many places which said that veggies ws d best place to eat and tht particular combo.....but gradually the taste deferred n also we cudnt bear to see them outsmarting us when they would place d order as soon as they wud see us entering the place n soon a new eatout 'midtown' was picked up(but u know what? last night we happened to spot some problems with that place too)...may be you will call this complaining attitude as a typical girlish characteristic,in tht case I dont care!.....but yes I do wonder if the last one week would still go in looking for d right place and one thing which I am quite sure of is that our search for the perfect wud never end(haan haan I m talkin bout d place n u naughty one, clicking ur mind elsewhere!).....the usual pjing at those hour long waiting sessions and watching one of us,a non pj cracker, who wud really hv a tough time tolerating all tht as cud b observed with his monitored rate of intake of sprite....haha.....our very well managed missed call encoding n decoding cryptics......the jumping sessions over tht boundary once wen we were forced to do by circumstances and other times wen we intentionally did tht.......not bothering bout the passers.....'as if we care'....then the nokia3105s and the followers.....but did we ever get scared?.....will always remember the banyan tree,the mirror in the main building,n the bengali girl with her well measured and maintained smile n her unusually loud questions n her urge to learn one particular sentence in every language .....then those lazily sitting sessions for hours just before the insti main building under the moonlit sky that left us exalted......the cal trip(that s another big story in itself).......mistaking everyother tall person to be our prof.......the freedom to move at 12 in the night........then the long hours spent on the hostel terrace...........one of those nights ws really worth remembering as I saw a shooting star...I hope tht wish really comes true n wen it does I will rem kgp for a good reason.....many more treasured moments but not all can be jotted down here.

yeah! before I forget,thanx to all my frns who made the stay at this place a memorable one.....n now as we step in the last week @ iitkgp I hope it leaves us with some good memories of the place and of the people(n I really want this).

WAQT.....the race against time

2005-06-13T22:56:00.000-07:00

Well if you are prognosticating a preview of this self claimed 'hit' let me make it clear in the beginning itself that you are wrong.All I wanna say here has got nothing to do with the REEL but is my perception of the REAL. Aha! I think I have brought a smile to your face by saying this, because undoubtedly you must have been relieved of the ordeal, you were anticipating in this post,if you ever had it.

Ever since I understood the way to listen to my conscience's voice, I have realised that many a times things aren't the way you exactly want them to be.And by the time you try to bring yourself out of the frustration and depression to adjust to your surroundings, situations change, opening before you a new battlefield. So you have to change your mind to decide upon new weapons and design a new strategy. And what is it that brings this change? TIME, who else because ultimately the winner of the race is decided before hand.They say that time changes but what I have felt is that you have to change with time.Events in our lives happen in a sequence in time, but in their significance to ourselves they find their own order the continuous thread of revelation.

Often I wonder, life would have been very comfortable for me if I had a control over time. Then I could lengthen my good times and minaturise the difficult or the sorrowful ones.But would it actually be? Would I care to ever call the day when I would be lazily sleeping the night before the exams? My favorite prayer on the eve of any examination is 'is raat ki kabhi subah na ho'. But if the morning was not to happen , then how would my perseverance made throughout the year be tested and how would that period of tension and agony go?

We all remember GOD during our bad times.Bad times make a person realise what he wouldnt have, had times been really favourable for him.And not to much surprise the same time then acts as a healer.Why does it try to be so great?Why does it boasts of its prowess to moderate and regulate everything?

Like a brook,a queen of its own will,time goes its own way and you are the one to be carried along with.

I could have verbalised many more flaws of this unfair apportioning of unquestioned supremacy to time, but to adjudicate it all unbiased, I admit that an optimistic thought that still roves my mind after all this rambling is that the wait for good times is not always long,after all every cloud has a silver lining and every downpour has to have an end.

Return to my usual self!

2005-06-09T23:50:00.000-07:00

Well friends
Many of the people I know are quite surprised by the way I am communicating through this blog.......Some say "how come you have started writing" and some say I am just incomprehensible .For those of you who are laughing at this ,there are some admirers for me as well.":)" Creating makes me feel alive and giddy.Luckily as I plan and outline my plot I don't have to worry about them just yet. Still, keeping everybody's views in mind,I would like to redirect my journey towards my usual self.Hey, this doesnt mean that I would return to that 'remaining quiet' mode , but just that I will try to be casual ,the way people liked me(did they? atleast I think so).May be then people will slowly get used to my transformation.

Wats around...hmm...the weekend is here. I love the weekends, but when they hit I always seem to get lazier than the rest of the week.But for now I need to get deeper into my work for which I have come to IITkgp, yes I am talking about my project.That is the most important priority at this moment.By the way another plan springing up is of going Cal.Possibly we will be able to go this weekend.

Are you puzzled already?

Well,nothing to be bewildered!To be frank this blog is probably going to be very random and rambly the more I get into it. Plus, as much as I try to equate it to just a journal, I feel weird using "I" so much or talking about my life or those around me.What the hell is a blog anyway? I guess nothing but a collection of rambling entries (no offence intended to anybody) about ourselves. My goal is to keep up with this throughout the summer, maybe longer,I say this because I have never committed to things like this in past. We'll see, wait for me.I will get back soon and let you enjoy my creativity, allow my muse to take over, and now when it comes time for the hard part...well, another day, another post.

Spring of my life

2005-06-06T02:33:00.000-07:00

The bell rang and gave a winner's smile on my face, as if a warrior had been freed from the prison and was about to leave for his motherland. Somebody was waiting to receive me and I knew it all. I ran into his arms only to be taken for that drive and given everything that I asked for, on way back.It wasnt long ago that I climbed up the stairs holding his hand with my little fingers only to find her waiting for me at the door.She hugged me tightly ,embraced me in her arms as if I had returned after a long time although I had gone only in the morning.Then the usual nagging would start 'I am not going tomorrow to that lady.She scolded me for not making those lines and curves.She is very bad.'And then I was with my 'two minutes maggie', warmly cuddled 'ok dear!eat this,we wont send you tomorrow.'I would be moved to my room only to find that every toy of mine had been arranged as I wanted it to be, although it wouldnt take me long to throw everythn on the floor(yes, such an irritating child I was).And I was scolded too for doing this,but would I mind that?How could I?That was intended to be a scolding but for me ,the princess of my castle,he was there to save me from everything.And then was the reason to shed a tear or two to be offered or promised a chocolate,five star I remember, or an ice cream.A new toy I had seen with neighbour would be my next demand,and it would surely be fulfilled also.But a vexatious child as I was ,would my demands ever end?And why would they?Both of them are only made for me and don't have anything else to do other than be around me, was what I thought.

I still think the same,I am the same pesky daughter , who loves to be pampered but has now learnt that as time passes ,things have to change.But why do good things change? Why did I grow up?Their love for me hasn't decreased,infact bonds have strengthened,and I owe everything I am now to them,but nothing like sleeping in her lap or in his arms.Somehow I miss all that pampering.Two years ago I moved out of my castle, I still go there when seasons change,and that is spring for me.I anxiously wait for the spring, but I know that autumn will come and I will have to return.

Lost thoughts

2005-06-03T04:55:00.000-07:00

I have no mind to speak
I have no thoughts to share.
I will listen to you for hours
And you will see me stare,
Still I will let you know me
Because I am sure ,you care!

I know some of you may not agree with these lines but they come straight from my heart and thus describe me the best. Basically I am not the kind of person who would easily let you know her feelings ,simply because I don't think much,no thoughts actually.I could listen for hours and hours and still remain silent.Not that I would doze in the process of listening and not that I cannot think but its just that I prefer to remain quiet. Ripples would arise in my mind but would disappear soon before they could mature into what you would call it as 'thoughts'.And its good they didn't last longer,you will probably know the reason this later.

Of late I have known ,that allowing your thoughts to flow as they want ,magnificiently relieves you of your stress and your worries, whether you are able to arrive to any solution or not during the process is altogether a different story.So, finally the realisation dawned upon me! Good, as you would say,but I still don't have the words to speak.How could I?Fortunately I came across writing on blogs and then it didn't take long to click my mind that this was the way I could bind up my lost 'thoughts'.

So here I am into the world of blogging,revealing much of myself with less of my words!